I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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