Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
