We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
