One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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