My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
