I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
