My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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