He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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