I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
