so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
