i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
