Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
