I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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