Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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