Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize