is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
