It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
