So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
