I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
