i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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