I can't watch pbs sober anymore
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
