Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
