HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
