God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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