Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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