When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
