So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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