I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
