I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
