Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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