meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
