I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
