ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
