I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
