My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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