Swine flu. Run for my life!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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