What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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