Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
