im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
