I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
