he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
