yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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