it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
