ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
