So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
