You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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