Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
