What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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