doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
