Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
