i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
