yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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