Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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