So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
